Resolve

January 4, 2011 § Leave a comment

I have luck

The luck of people. The people of fortune that bring grace, brilliance and laughter.

I have freedom

The freedom of a means and, essentially, a will.

I have burdens

More importantly, burdens of my own choosing.

I have love

Love that comes without demand or compromise. The iron in the lifeblood.

I have sorrow

The kind of sorrow that aches like an old wound before the rain, twisted with mistakes, missteps, loss that serves only to remind me what I value the most.

*************

And with all this…

It is only now that I emerge from the opaque chrysalis of youth. Only now that I begin to unfurl the wetly cramped wings, grown especially for flight. I crawled around in the undergrowth… always knowing that I preferred the sky, but didn’t know how to get there. Didn’t even know if I belonged there… and I doubted the longing and frustration that wanted nothing more than to propel me away from every thing everyone else seemed to take for granted.

A few years ago, I chose to withdraw from that life and cut free those strings. Left behind the old fears, formulas, dubious comforts of meeting other people’s expectations.

I cocooned.

Now, coming into the wake of my 30th year, I am solid at the core in a way that I’ve never felt before. It’s small, this core. A furnace-forged baton, packed tight and light… straightens my back, lifts my head… flexible, ready for flight.

 

 

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