Stock-take

September 23, 2010 § 1 Comment

Because I’d rather be real than artificially beautiful. Empowered and single than impotent and reliant. Purposeful and actualised than successful by the ideals of others, justified by the excuse of winds that were too strong to navigate. I would rather live an authentic and examined life than one of blindsided ignorance and constructed falsehoods.

I find myself here. Laid bare.

Stock-take:

Single, check. Defiantly self-employed, check. Still full with the conviction that I am on the right path! How strange. With very little validation, I photograph and obsessively collect places and people preserved in 1/500sec fragments of time. A personal record, evidence of life around me. That they lived once, these people with their sad eyes and old souls. And if they lived, then so did I, the counter-point to the frozen moment, the hidden spectre orchestrating, machinating, coaxing the vulnerable, the softness, the deep flowering of emotions that lie just beneath our exoskeleton of skin, to simmer over… to give it to me, like the handing over of a secret, from a warm dark place.

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Prefigurations and Prophecies

September 23, 2010 § Leave a comment

“He was enjoying himself as much as he was able. It is youth’s felicity as well as its insufficiency that it can never live in the present, but must always be measuring up the day against its own radiantly imagined future – flowers and gold, girls and stars, they are only prefigurations and prophecies of that incomparable, unattainable young dream.”

~ F. Scott Fitzgerald from “The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button”

Gold Coast #5: Barely-20-somethings

September 17, 2010 § Leave a comment

I still like to launch myself into the night. With no agenda and a slew of barely-20-somethings at my heels. Dizzying disco lights, flavoured smoke, music to drown yourself in, drinks to drown yourself in a different kind of way, other people’s sofas, time only relevant in terms of “bar closed, time to go home”.

Photographed between 3 and 5am.

Gold Coast #4: Sorry. Feel good.

September 17, 2010 § Leave a comment

Sorry. Feel good. Take your shirt off and DJ in the afternoon in an empty apartment. Swim in your artificial waterfall. Walk past an adult bookstore. Ogle.

Gold Coast #3: Desperate motels

September 17, 2010 § Leave a comment

Ubiquitous, this landscape that became the grounds in which i built the stories of my youth. Illicit weekends in desperate motels, awkward boys who always seemed like they knew more than me, but didn’t. JESUS on the corner block that I passed several times a day and never spared a second thought for. The lake I found with my dad and rode my bike to. Lazy swims when the afternoons baked my skin a crisp brown, trying not to imagine the eels that slithered away from my kicking legs into the darkness below.

Gold Coast #2: Christening

September 17, 2010 § Leave a comment

My best friend had a baby. A boy. We were 25, with 11 years of friendship behind us, and now, our lives veering in very different directions, we had a tenuous link to the childhood bond that had us crying and laughing in each other’s arms all the way through school. I remember going to his christening here. The new phase in a woman’s life. She has become a life support system and the old playgrounds now wait for the wanderlust and boredom of her progeny. I walked out of the church and still felt the same. 15 or 25, I still stalk warm afternoons with not much to do but hope for new adventure and magic around every corner, juvenile and unaccountable.

Gold Coast #1: Cash Converters

September 17, 2010 § Leave a comment

I remember being here when i was 15. The hot walks from my boyfriend’s house, the something in his hand that he was bringing to sell at Cash Converters for some extra money so we could buy tickets to the next dance party. I remember the strange, lonely things that were always on sale there… used keyboards that didn’t really work, forlorn necklaces that belonged to someone’s grandmother. I remember being in love for the first time and walking the steaming asphalt, not having a car or a license for that matter, the pool hall and the parking lot, loitering and arcade games. We would colour our hair to say something… without really having anything to say.

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